Idea For A Sweet Movie

Okay you guys, how about this for some Christmas Day inspiration?

The film is about a grizzled, hard-bitten detective. He may not play by the rules, but by Christ he gets results. Unfortunately for our hero, this doesn't sit well with his overbearing chief who likes to do things by the book. When the detective is taken off the case of his life, he becomes depressed. He stalks home and hits the bottle really hard. Then he starts drinking heavily. In his drunken stupor he stumbles into his wardrobe, where he is transported to an enchanted world. He is told of the problems that blight this world and encounters an evil witch. However he doesn't really care so he goes home to eat Doritos and wank. Then the guys from magic land bust out of the wardrobe and drag him screaming back in. Just after that the chief calls to tell him he is back on the case but it is too late.

The end.

Keristmass

You have probably noticed that it is Christmas soon and I bet you are well excited. I am very excited because the other day I took a peek in the cupboard where my mother hides the presents, and my God has she spent a lot of money this year. Anyway underneath her huge pile of dildos was my present and it's a pin badge with a picture of a bear on it. It's pretty sweet.

Christmas is sort of weird now though. I find it honestly surprising and a bit odd when somebody connects it with Jesus now. Christmas isn't about Jesus, it's about presents and food. Pretending otherwise is just silly because nobody cares about Jesus anymore as we are all godless heathens who fuck virgins and smoke all the time.

The best Christmas song is called 'Merry Christmas Everyone' and it is by Shakin' Stevens. Good ol' Shakey takes his name from his ravenous lust for milkshakes, specifically those which bring all of the boys to the yard, where he beats and strangles them. Oh Shakey, you old dog.

In conclusion, Christmas is about having to spend a lot of time with your family while they talk about stuff that's really boring and then dad goes to sleep on the cat and we all have a good laugh. Merry christmas!

This Is The Best Blog On The Internet

Thousands of new blogs are created each day. Most of them are shit. Actually, just about all of them are shit. When you get down to it, there are only two good blogs on the internet. It is no coincidence that I am a contributor on both of them. It is also no coincidence that I am only a contributor on two blogs. Everything I touch turns to gold, because I am the King Midas of the internet, except without the terrible consequences that reared their heads towards the end of the story. Just stick to the bit at the start where he's all 'Holy shit I am gonna be a rich man now', even though he was already a king.

I have messed with the template so that this blog doesn't look like a load of others. The best way to survive in Blog land is to write a blog that is not much like a blog, because blogs suck.

Shit I have to go out. Anyway in summary I am so fucking amazing there is no joke.